Our job as parents never really ends. When our children are young, we go through their stages of growth and hope that what we do pays off much later in their lives. We trust that when we cope with bickering and tantrums, power struggles, as well as backtalk, we are doing the right thing. That keeps us going every day.
So on we work and try to validate what we are doing by asking our friends who are parents as well how they deal with situations at home. Whenever we hear they are coping in ways very close to what we also do as parents, we can feel satisfied that we may be on the right track.
But are we really? On the right track? Find more information here: https://citygirlgonemom.com/category/parenting/.
Here are some tips from CityGirlGoneMom that have been worked among the circle we move in, and hope these will help with your journey as well in this long and winding road of parenthood.
1. You have to model the behavior that you want your children to follow. It is true that children follow more of what they see around them rather than that we tell them to do. Sometimes it also appears as though we are not getting through to them when we teach them to make the right choices.
But if we keep on and follow a consistent way of teaching them, along with setting limits and expectations from their behavior, as well as a firm consequence and reward system, then we have shown them the way to handling their own trials.
2. You need to stay in control of the way you react to situations. When you let your emotions get in the way, you could become too harsh and give consequences which are too tough on your child. Remember that when we teach our children consequences of their actions, it is not how hard it hurts or how much limits we set on them. The most important point of the whole thing is being consistent.
If your child does not seem too affected by your consequence, it does not mean it is not working. Over time, when practiced consistently and in a measured manner, your efforts will pay off. Even when they are claiming to be unaffected (“I don’t care what you do to me”) by your consequence, just keep on.
Remember too that what you have to care more about is the way you are responding to the situation. So it is very important to stay calm, despite what you feel inside.
3. Remember that at times, the best way to deal with difficult behavior is to just walk away from the situation. It is quite normal to feel powerless and frustrated after all the disciplining we think we have instilled and yet our child just keeps on going against your rules. The most effective means of cutting off a power struggle between yourself and your child is to just to walk away.
When we walk away, we make them understand that their poor behavior will no longer be accepted. In doing this, you are taking away their power. So just walk away for the time being.
After allowing time to cool down, you and your child will have gained some composure and will no longer be in the heat of anger. In this way, you can both have a calm discussion about the incident. This approach would have a greater impact on your child than if you were both screaming your lungs out.
4. Do not take bad behavior personally. When your child does something that’s unacceptable, and against your rules, you feel that your child is challenging your parental role. We can easily react to this by feeling as if your child is disrespecting you because of the disregard for something you have set.
But do not let such feelings get in the way. It will be very hard, but you need to let it go and not let it affect you personally. Their behavior is not about you. It is about them and how they are still figuring these things out. No matter what you feel, your manner of handling the situation should not be about your feelings. It must be about their bad behavior and how it is unacceptable to continue doing it.
5. Do not expect perfect behavior at all but try to be more approving of a genuine effort to stick to the rules. Sometimes this expectation also applies to us: We tend to judge our efforts as parents by making comparisons of our parenting styles with that of other parents around us. Often we tend to believe we may be doing very badly when we see how other parents are doing.
But keep the faith, for as long as you are being consistent and watchful, and doing it for the best of your children. We keep trying to be better at it as well as we continue to learn from every day’s experience.
Your children too may not appear to be doing so, but they will eventually learn to display and manage their behavior better as they grow up. It is important to keep at it, and to do it for their sake and leave yourself out of it. Most of all, be patient. All this does not come overnight. Learn more on this page: https://edition.cnn.com/2017/12/29/health/parenting-resolutions-go-ask-your-dad/index.html.
